


What we deserve

by Qtya



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Lost in another world, Magic and messing up, My favourite Goddess mentioned, Out of character characters I think, Some angst, maybe some more angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 14:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12558940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qtya/pseuds/Qtya
Summary: In a strange, not friendly world, Jason and Damian had to face new challenges, pay prices and realize many things too late.





	What we deserve

Jason was standing on the edge (when he wasn't, in this life?!), over the darkness below, stubbornly facing the new dawn's beautiful lights on the horizon. His head, his face was cold, so cold, winter was so freezing, it almost burned his skin.

 

_Is this how Tim always feels?_

 

His cape started to dance in the gentle morning breeze's touch, the ridiculously good-looking rich, dark green thing still feeling.....uncomfortable. Too much. Alien.

But he wasn't himself now, he was someone else, who wore this cape like....it was...part of him....

 

He was Last Memory now. And it was absolutely normal to wear this costume.

And....nothing else mattered. Nothing.   
Everything was behind, and it couldn't matter, not anymore. It wasn't even truly real, what they'd left behind. Not anymore.

 

Only the present could mean anything.

Everything else was....or...should have been....erased....

 

The golden lights started to bathe the whole world in their glorious beauty.

Another morning. Another night they had survived.

 

He let the light wash over him too. Let it touch his skin, like it could mean something, like it could warm him up, like it could make him clean...like it could envelop him in light and make him part of the wonderful morning sunshine-concerto.

 

It was still so freezing that Jason was sure he would die in minutes if.....if everything could be normal still.

 

But nothing was normal, not anymore, not for them, not in this new life.

So he let the lights build up and play their perfect lie around him for a few more seconds....

 

then...

 

„You are an idiot! Why are standing here like a puppet, ready to be struck down?? You lost your mind, right? Again, I might add...”

 

He whirled around quickly, silencing the poisonous hissing with the dramatic movement (credits to the cape, yeah...). And hid all his emotions behind a teasing, not too sharp smile.

 

„ _I might add?!_ Oh, my, so Alfred's way of raising kids affected you too!” he shook off the accusation, the worry, the _caring_ as well as he could.

Fool.

 

„Shut up! _**Shut up!**_ Just shut up, and let's leave the streets!”

 

And yeah, Damian was worried. He didn't even try to hide it anymore, as he was checking all the buildings around them with horrible speed.

 

„Damian....” he started slowly.

 

„Don't ' _Damian_ ' me, Todd! I had enough of...” more and more fear and worry and anger.....

 

„He is dead, Dami. I did it. Tonight” he said, quickly, cruelly, with an ice-cold voice and a dead, dark, honest gaze.

 

They stared at each other, probably for a long time, without blinking, without moving, without even a hint of a break.

Damian, a heartbroken boy, disbelieving, lost, still just a kid in the cursed-to-be-older-body.

Jason, a gutted ghost, a voluntarily _turned_ one, a so-much-more-and-so-much-less-than-a-human.

 

„Wha.....” Damian's voice broke, so he coughed once, tearing his eyes away from Jasons'. He even stepped back a few meters.

 

Silence filled the air, building up a dangerous, harmful tension between and around them.

It was only now, watching his little brother's pain and knowing absolutely well how deep the feeling of betrayal was...when Jason truly started to feel how fake the morning lights shiny, lively world around them was.

 

„I would say sorry, but we both know how fucked up it would be....from me....” he croaked, and then....he turned his back to Damian, and stared at the world again with empty eyes.

 

He waited.....

 

And waited....

 

Then soft steps approached him, and suddenly Damian was standing _next_ to him, staring out to the world too.

 

„How?” the quiet creaking didn't sound human at all.

 

But Jason wasn't, not anymore, so he heard it just fine.

 

„Dream came to me earlier tonight....She spoke....Well, she spoke about many things. But the most important was his plan. I had to realize...what we lost, Damian. Probably a long time ago. We didn't have a chance to save him.....I....I had to decide. And Dream....you know her! She wouldn't have come, if.....Oh, Hell....” Jason had to take a huge breath in. Somehow, it counted. It helped. His eyes started to search for...something, anything, on the horizon. And he continued:

„Dream let enough slip...He was up to something big. He didn't even care about us anymore. He was **sure** , Damian. He....whatever he wanted, he....When I arrived, he.....”

 

The break was too long for the younger one.

 

„What? Just tell me!! I deserve to know! You....you... _You!_ You left me out! You know what could have happened.... **You know!!!** And after all the muttering about how we _have to stick together._...What could have happened, Todd!?” Damian spat the words almost into his face.

 

Jason shuddered, and snapped.

„He was exactly like me, back when I wanted to murder you all, after the Lazarus Pit!”

 

Even he felt a cold shock in his heart (ha...ha.....) after his words.

Damian just stared up at him, like he only now could see that Jason had lost his mind.

 

„Sorry....” whispered Jason, turning away. But a strong grip on his cape stopped him.

 

„I want to know....the whole thing” forced out words....Damian, playing the adult again. Because this is what good assasins, good little Bats, good whatevers do..........

 

„I don't know what was his big, unbelievable plan. I don't know what he exactly felt. But I do know that he....treated me like I was nothing. Not a problem, not a threat. Just an annoying insect. He laughed like....like he wasn't himself. He told me again and again that 'everything will change' and he was really sure that nothing can go wrong...I felt...such power....Damian, I felt _scared_ when he came close to me....”

Jason shook his head and moved a bit, rolling his shoulders and hiding his hands in his clothes.

 

„Whatever he started to do....it was evil....The whole place....felt suffocating....He wasn't anything like this ever before” he stopped mumbling and raised his head, staring into Damian's horrified eyes with his own ones.

„I tried to find him...I tried....And I couldn't find anything...”

 

His voice was nothing but a broken whisper, when he finished.

 

Damian stared and stared into the darkened eyes for a long time, then he frowned and turned away.

And Jason's dead heart shattered into a million pieces.

 

„I don't....think you are a...wrong one, after this. I don't want you to think that....I blame you. For anything! I...understand. I think....I can accept this. What you did....” it all sounded like he had to bite down, hard, on each word, before squeezing them out.

 

And Jason felt like....a different person. And all the sunshine felt....real....And it all felt like...like he could breath again.

Just like a human being.

 

Then the grip, which never let go his cape, shook him.

 

„I want to know **how** you did it. Without me....breaking him...and destroying him...it should have been impossible!” And Damian's eyes were burning, burning, burning, burning him, as they stared at him without any signs of mercy. Jason shook with the force of it. It wasn't even magic. Just pure....soul-power...maybe....

An unbreakable one.

„I want to know!” he barked, more loudly.

 

Jason took a huge breath in, and let the truth fly out from his mouth:

„I asked Eris to help me”

 

This time silence sliced through the air and then froze it all around them.

 

„What?” Damian's voice was empty and....dangerous.

 

„I needed help. Someone's who....couldn't be controlled by him” Jason answered quickly.

 

„You goddamn foooool!” the young one's howl was....otherwordy, as it ripped apart he moment around them, to set free a fucking thunder around them.

Crashing powers hit Jason from every direction, winds grabbed and shook him, yanking him here and there in every second, howling, roaring screams filled his ears until he sreamed with them in pain.

And as suddenly, as it started, it all stopped.

Jason was kneeling on the concrete of the roof, gasping for air, only then realizing that he was totally helpless against Damian's attack. He couldn't do a thing to protect himself....

He slowly looked up, then around.

 

Damian stood a few meters away, staring down at Jason with wide, terrified eyes.

 

„I...I....I deserved....it?” Jason wheezed out, with a small, partly forced, but honest smile.

 

„I....I'm sorry....I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to....” Damian looked totally shocked and scared.

 

„Oh, come on....I always told you....this could happen anytime to anyone! I told you....Stop being...sorry!” as kindly and teasingly it started, Jason's words quickly turned serious and almost angry.

„It won't help....Stop freaking out! It happened....maybe I deserved it...I killed your father....”

 

Damian's eyes miraculously widened even more, somehow.

Then his face became sad and....compassionate.....?

„He was your father too” he said quietly.

 

Jason spat out at that, then quickly forced himself back to his feet.

„I don't see it that way!” he yelled, and turned away to leave.

 

„Please wait!!”

 

Jason froze in the middle of his first step. Damian never....ever...begged. And now his voice was full with begging.

 

„Jason...What is it, that you...that Eris will take away? What was the price?”

 

And Jason's heart shattered again, even if it was absolutely impossible. Damian's voice was...a child's voice, as he asked the feared thing. And he even called him 'Jason'.

 

„She wants _me_. She even offered more help for my....acceptance....of...her....reign...”

 

Only a painful gasp answered that, so he turned back, offering a cocky smile.

 

„Yeah, I know. I'm some high-quality-shit, measured by discord, who could have thought?”

 

Damian's eyes started burning again, but this time it was with so much pain that Jason quickly shook his head.

 

„Don't freak out. She wants me after we finished here. Not now. She is quite nice and patient.”

 

The young one's eyes were now shining with tears.

 

„Nice and patient?! She will....she will take you away whenever it pleases her! She will use you! She is anything but _nice_! I can't believe this! I can't! How could you do this?!” Damian's voice beame higher and higher, until he started screaming.

 

„Damian, I did what I had to! I'm sorry, for everything that worries you, but we had no choice!” he roared back, desperation slowly creeping up on him.

 

„WE??? You left me out! You left me _behind!_ ”

 

„That's not true! I did all of it to save you, to save us!!! There was no other way!”

 

„ _ **We**_ could have found one! If you haven't...”

 

'This is pointless! I did what I had to, and there is no way to change this now! Deal with it!”

 

Even when he said it, Jason knew it was a cruel thing to scream into Damian's face. But...he was so shaken....and tired.....

 

„ _Deal with it?!_ Do you even know what you're saying?! **You are leaving me behind!** When she takes you away, what will happen to me?!”

 

Jason had to stop. He had to. Because this was too much. A shaking, terrified Damian, almost crying in front of him....knowing _**why**_ the strange eternal power had helped.....this new, horror-fantasy-genre world, where they had landed and had lost **everything** but each other.....a future in which Damian would really be alone, without him, yes, and he hadn't been able to do much but that one gruesome thing to provide him some -fragile- safety in that future......

 

He should have hugged Damian then. But he couldn't. They hadn't had such a bond in the past to help them be that close now.

Jason couldn't change who (and what) he was now.

Neither could Damian.

 

And it was beyond them to start trying.

And already too late.

 

„I think....without the danger he meant....you will be able to live...And I mean real life!” he started weakly.

 

„You said earlier...”

 

„That doesn't matter! Forget it! Everything changed. And you will be alright” he said, as convincingly as he could.

 

„Todd, this shouldn't have happened this way!” Damian almost screamed again.

 

Jason just nodded. Then, at Damian's angry gaze, he said:

„I know that. I know. We shouldn't have fallen into a world, which never lets anyone go....We shouldn't have changed into these...magical creatures...We shouldn't have seen how magic can turn someone into a twisted, ruined version of himself....We shouldn't have got involved in their messed up war.....We shouldn't have been tortured and turned either...We shouldn't have seen some originally good Bruce's downfall, who got trapped here just like us....I shouldn't have been the one to end him.....” his voice became soft and weak by the end.

 

„This is not what we deserved!” Damian yelled, and he finally started crying „Not me, especially not you! After all the things we did, after all the things we survived, after all the fights!”

 

„I know....”

 

„We should be in our own world! Working with Father! Saving Gotham, and sometimes helping other places! That's our duty! That's our fate! Not playing the roles of gods and monsters in this sick, lost, cursed place!”

 

„I know....”

 

„I wanted to be everything Father wanted! I wanted to reach perfection, so he would respect me! I should have used my second chance to make him appreciate me!”

 

„Damian, he did....He was always so proud and happy....” Jason murmured , then shrugged at Damian's disbelief „I'm not saying he could show it”

 

„And you? What about you?” Damian quickly wiped away the wetness from his face. Then stared with really strange eyes.

 

„What about me?” asked Jason back in a flat tone. He didn't want to have a conversation like this....not now, not ever.

 

„You changed Father. After you, nothing could be the same. The way he treated his....Robins...it changed once and for all. Because of you. And Grayson said that Father himself also changed a lot. And even after everything you did....he never stopped....craving....to have that Robin back....He wanted to....get you back...”

 

Jason huffed. Some habits never leave a soul....

„Well....I think I left him quite disappointed, then.” he said in a dry voice.

He really didn't want this conversation....

He would soon leave all the worlds of the living....to go...who knows here..? Why the Hell he had to talk about Bruce....? The real one, theirs, the father-figure who would live (hopefully) and who would never get back...two of his Robins....

Well, shit.

 

„You deserved to come back home! Damian's defiant, so child-like, clear yell was a knife to the heart.

 

And Jason felt it all too well.

 

Alfred small, special smile for him and all the ways he could show his caring.

Bruce's laugh and the safety his shadow had meant.

Dick's hated hugs and mother hen nature and maddening belief in family.

Barbara's bickering in his ear, and all the times she had saved him.

Cass and her silence and perfect fighting-style and all the _looks_ she, and only she had shown with her eyes....

Stephanie's pranks, her fire, her bravery, her so matching-nature.

And Tim.....

 

All the dreams, hopes he had had once to find his way back to the Manor. Truly and really.

All the love.....

All the pain, which had never let him forget.

All the fights he had done for them...or with them...

 

And their fucked-up city. All the orphans and moms and semi-runaway kids and prostitutes and homeless people and hard-working, almost-broken, loving and caring dads of Crime Alley.

 

And his teams. All the love he had found with them. All the ways he had learned to see himself, and how those ways had been so different from anything before. And the teams' members from each other!!

 

And everybody else.....

 

Jason's whole being was filled with torturing, bittersweet, uncomprehensible pain....or love?

 

He had to gasp for air, he had to turn away from a shocked, confused Damian, he had to grip his cape, and wrap it around himself.

 

He stared into the morning sky's endless wasteness. All the lights....All the colours. It helped to stay stoic on the outside, while the pain for so many lost things subsided on the inside.

 

Then slowly a lazy, nostalgic smile appeared on his face.

He was shockingly beautiful, with the golden light over his face and body, and the winds playing within his hair.

 

„You know what was the last thing I said to B?” he started with a surprisingly warm voice „We were arguing again....And he started all that emotional, crappy talk about The Mission, and how we have to be different and better than the scum we fight against....And he shouted that even if dresses up like a bat and works in the night, he serves the light, and even if it's hard to see it, we have to belong to it....And I....I yelled back that our type....people who saw and did so many awful things....maybe we don't deserve to be lovers of the light anymore......”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So......If anyone has questions, I'm here to answer.   
> I know I should be working on "But not for me", but after the happenings of the last few weeks, I realized that my mind is not in the condition to work normally. So, I tried sg different, maybe it can help to find my way back. 
> 
> After deaths in the family and problems with work and the disappearance of an important person in your life, I guess it's okay to say: not working on a main story is probably for the better. 
> 
> End of weeping, sorry!
> 
> Anyway: Jason and Damian are in a magical world, yes, both of them changed there, against their will, yes, they fight there now for good aims, yes. Nobody can leave that world. Yes. Another world's Bruce ended up being here too, and he went mad thanks to the magic, yes. Jason had to stop him, yes. Jason is a really powerful being here, but he's still himself, at least with his thoughts. So, of course, nothing is really easy.   
> He could only beat Bruce with the help of Eris, and there will be a price to pay for that. This is the major heartbreak's reason between the two brothers, not sg else!   
> I'm wondering if I should write more about this story, because it's a bit chaotic this way, without much explanation, right? I dunno....
> 
> Forgive and forget my mistakes, please, I wrote this instead of sleeping!


End file.
